The internal and external factors which form and define us and the freedom to truly be ourselves
In seeking purpose I often come across people who find it hard to define who they are. What is their role in this world? What were they meant to do? Identifying the essence goes through a fascinating journey but often gets stuck at that very basic question. When one can't identify one's own essential being, it leaves a vacuum hard to fill. In this article I will address that question regarding the influencing factors.
If you were born in a faraway land and raised by a herd of wolves – how would you be different from today? Would you have reached the same values? Profession? Family? Obviously, it is hard to answer that question or even imagine a life beginning like that although there are such stories. Moreover, it is hard to identify all the factors that influenced our identity over the years in a way that we could imagine being without them.
In this article I would like to review the most meaningful factors and examine them from a spiritual perspective, one that relates to the fact that our deepest essence is that of a soul and therefore arrives profoundly formed even before we are born, from previous lifetimes.
First, the more familiar factors:
Parents, family and friends – the major influence on our identity comes from the adults who raised us, normally our parents. To an extent they are the deepest role models. Quite often people find themselves acting "just like their parents", usually to their disappointment. Many youngsters promise themselves they won't grow up to be like their parents, and they often go as far away as they can in areas in which they were revolted by their parents' behavior, only to find themselves unconsciously acting just as they promised themselves they never would.
The rest of the family's influence is usually less dominant in the early stages of life, but growing up, siblings and other close relatives play a significant role. We turn them into a source either of imitation or of endless clashes and thus factors that mold us by fire.
Childhood friends often have a very strong influence. During adolescence it is sometimes even stronger than that of our parents. Since at this stage of life they might not be any more aware of their essence and role in life than we are, their impact can be random and often very confusing.
Teachers throughout life can add depth and inspiration when we come across such teachers.
Social norms have a very strong impact on us even indirectly. Some professions lost much of their prestige like teaching (important or not – this is a stigma educators are fighting now-a-days). Many teachers naturally deny this fact. Another profession suffering from being "non-profitable" is art. On the other hand, professions which suffered from a low image just a century ago, such as surgery, became very popular. Choosing the path should reflect our being, especially if we want to succeed and even more so if we wish to enjoy our occupation. It turns out that people define themselves by socio-economical needs rather than by their true essence.
Despite all these factors, it is clear that they are not all it takes. For instance, it is known that twins growing up in the same environment with the same parents and social circles can still turn out very different. It seems as though the missing link is much more significant in our self-definition than all of the external factors put together. When we think of ourselves we have a "feeling" of something being just right for us. Many times it is not in our conscious knowledge, in which case it is a feeling of some unseen destiny. Sometimes it is discovered spontaneously and sometimes with the help of a mentor. Either way we can thus get much more clarity as to the important question of "Who am I?"
Without dealing with how to find the answer to this question, in this article I'd like to ask a much more basic one: what is this unseen factor which enables us such knowledge?
Believers would define it as the soul, that same component in us which is part of the Divine Whole. Atheists usually have a hard time accepting the possibility of such a factor even existing. In spiritual circles, the idea of the soul is taken seriously, not necessarily in a religious way. My experience in life enabled me to open many windows to the soul I am. I've experienced things considered "esoteric" in a way I could no longer rule them out. They left me with the understanding that there is a certain layer in us which came to this world ready-made and not just as raw material. Among those I shall mention a few which many might have experienced but may not have bothered to deepen their understanding of the experience:
- When my first child was 5 minutes old, I looked in his eyes and the depth reflecting from them was great. Even then they had that look asking "Where have you been?" (The fact that I ran all the way to the nursery trying to catch up with the nurses, didn’t spare me that look…). As soon as he grabbed onto the finger I held out to him, he relaxed.
- When he grew up and his sisters were born, we saw how each one of our children expressed abilities in different areas. They were exposed to the same toys more or less and the same parents (more or less J after all, time leaves us slightly changed with each passing day) and yet their abilities were very different from one another.
- My personal experience with past lifetimes turned a "weird" area into part of my occupation. It was "too true to argue with" – even for a rational type like me.
One way or another I came to a realization which is common in spiritual teachings, and that is that our existence here occurs in a number of dimensions, one of them being physical and another spiritual (there are more but not for this article). The spiritual dimension, AKA the soul, is the "I" we all identify with when we do what's really important for us and for the world from an inspired place.
In the coming articles I will address different meanings of this understanding as well as techniques which enable us to make use of this information in order to recruit these dimensions for a fuller, healthier and happier life.
